The first one is a little long but gives good detail. It's also a little awkward when she reads it. The second one is more natural but needs specifics to make it work.
Some considerations:
1. What is your audience seeing?
Think about lighting and background, your appearance
2. How is the sound quality?
Pay attention to the volume and quality of your voice (enunciating)
3. Does what you're saying make sense?
A completed GO will help you stay on track and hit your time.
4. Are you AUTHENTIC? Are you the best version of yourself?